I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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