I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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