Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
