Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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