I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
