It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
