the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
