we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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