i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
