Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
