There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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