Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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