I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
