There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
