Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
