It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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