3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
