how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize