After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
