I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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