Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
