I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
