All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
