just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
