I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
