TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
