Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
