Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
