Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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