she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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