I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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