Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there is glitter all over my balls
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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