I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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