You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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