I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
