I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
