I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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