I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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