i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize