i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
