I just pynch a tree in the face
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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