i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
