the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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