I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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