Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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