playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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