Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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