Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
