Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
