if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
