Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this boner is exhausting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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