And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
