That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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