i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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