Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
