Me. At least after what I've been through.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
