Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
tell me about the eggs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
