First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
