My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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