I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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