they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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