can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
