i always forget guys have bellybuttons
only if we run a train.
done.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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