the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
